The pressure on the right opening for writing after a hiatus, more like hibernation, is only offset by my desire to get back to writing. It has been a (very) long time and I have no good reason other than a mixture of lukewarm reasons (lazy/jaded/busy). Ughh, I’m sorry I used the word “busy”, I loathe it with the heat of a 1000 suns. It reeks the the flavor of an over-chewed gum, dripping in self-importance!
So, I’m back. At least for now! I want to write more personal posts because I miss that. I hope you did too. I moved to a new home almost 3 years ago and in that time shed some mental and physical weight. I want to hang a sign around my neck saying “Work in progress, keep moving!”. After being an engineer for 12 years being at home was difficult, especially since I fought tooth and nail to go to college. Even now when I wash dishes, I can hear my granny’s voice in my head saying “Don’t waste money on college, she’ll only wash dishes in her future!”. The pangs of guilt to my feminism are only compounded every time I’m asked “WHAT DO YOU DO?”
So what do I do? Well I did write/blog, and pretty successfully for the past 11 years, but I took a break. I needed to find myself (so cliche, I know). My lovely friend Danielle said something at her book launch about parenting being more like juggling than balance which made total sense to me. So the past few years I let as many balls fall on the ground, choosing not to pick up any to see what happened. Some I wish I at least tried to pick up (hello career?), and some I was proud not to drop (hey parenthood!) but overall slowing the pace helped.
With my move to my new home I let go of friendships that weighed me down. People who were amazing but the cons outweighed the pros. Some friendships I put on pause, and some put me on pause.I guess sometimes it is not that people are bad, but maybe the fit is. Sometimes the fit is great at that moment in time. It is like travelers we meet on a journey, sometimes they are not meant to go all the way with you. And that is OK!
Sometimes I gasp in panic with all my dreams and how I’m letting it drift away. Then I look at my family and realize I’m right where I want to be. It may not be the picture perfect, but perfect for me. Recently my friend Stacie (I truly am blessed with the best of friends) gave me a bracelet that said “Not all who wander are lost!” and each day the words ring truer to me.
While I love physical travel (I would sell my soul to travel but I guess the going rate on souls won’t get me far), but more of wandering where I want to be. I need to buckle up and tackle some dreams but along the way I’m comfortable with my duty to create memories.
People think I host often because I have nothing better to do (well that too), but it is more because after what I’ve seen in life (enough to fill a few lifetimes), I realize all we have in this world is how we make people feel. That comfort. That smile. That memory.
So join me, I’m not sure where we’re headed, but I promise you will enjoy the view.
Thanks for sticking around!